Carson Wentz turned up to the podium following Thursday Night Football in a look that was somehow uglier than the game itself. The roasting began immediately.
I’ll be honest, it’s going to be damn-near impossible to top a public defender for magicians, but we were so enthralled with Wentz’s combination of camo suit, fedora, and vacant stare that it led to myself, JP Acosta, Mark Scofield, and David Fucillo to come up with some other ideas for what Wentz looks like.
- When you gotta be in the duck blind at dawn but jazz brunch at noon
- Carson looks like he is the only human in the Muppets’ remake of The Music Man
- Carson Wentz looking like Al Capone’s awkward nephew turning up for his mafia internship
- He looks like the paralegal for Duck Dynasty
- Carson Wentz looks like he’s about to play Rudy Giuliani in a movie made by Ben Shapiro
- He looks like if Ne-Yo was white and had zero talent at all
- Carson looks fancy like Applebee’s on a date night, got that Bourbon Street steak with the Oreo shake
- Carson thought this is what Washington wore when he crossed the Delaware
- He listens to the Jazz version of “you can take a ride in my big green tractor”
- This is what Prince Harry wears for a night out at the club since moving to the US
- He looks like he plays the cello in a weird country jazz fusion band that only plays Toby Keith covers
- This is the suit he wears to defend against charges of keeping goats within city limits
- He looks like if the Hateful Eight was produced by PragerU
- Carson looks like a youth pastor chaperoning at a Kenny Chesney concert
- Wentz is Elmer Fudd in a gritty, live-action Looney Tunes movie
- He looks like he’s about to go on a dinner date at the local Cracker Barrel
- Carson looks like Owen Wilson in the hunting scene from Wedding Crashers